P.S... Please forgive my almost exclusive use of the words "he" and "man" in these writings. I do this for the sake of convenience only, and realize that women are equal to men and travel essentially the same spiritual (and worldly) paths.
In Dedication to my friend Samuel
Nonduality and the Wizard of Oz
The movie "The Wizard of Oz" is actually more ‘nondual’ than any other movie I’ve seen. When looked at carefully, just under the surface of a child’s story of witches and tornadoes and munchkins lies an amazing collection of truths that have been with mankind for all time.
First, we have a girl who seeks escape from the evils and misery of samsara ("Somewhere over the rainbow..."). A tornado strikes (symbolic of the Dark Night of the Soul) and knocks the girl out, drawing her into an inner world. She is transported to a mystical land called "Oz," and encounters a pair of ruby slippers (the value of which she does not yet suspect), but also encounters Glinda, the good witch of the North (symbolizing Grace) who urges her to put them on anyway. She then embarks upon a spiritual path symbolized by the Yellow Brick Road. At the end of this path is the "Wizard," which is an apt symbol for "the Guru." She meets other travelers on this path who are unhappy with their lot in life as well, and walks with them, and is repeatedly tempted by a wicked witch, a symbol of the ego or that which would block one on a spiritual path. Mostly the witch attempts to inflict fear, which happens to be that which is most capable of blocking someone on the path of Self-knowledge. At one point, the witch actually manages to work a spell putting Dorothy to sleep. This occurs as her and her fellow travelers see the beautiful, gleaming emerald palace in the distance, leave the proscribed path, and make a run for it - no shortcuts allowed in sadhana. It’s notable that only Dorothy fell asleep under the spell of the poppies… her traveling companions were unaffected, because they aren’t central to the theme. They are really aspects of Dorothy’s personality.
The witch seems to have won, but a benign force (Glinda, the good witch of the North, symbolizing Grace) makes it rain, waking Dorothy up (her first awakening, through Grace - Samadhi) and allowing her to continue.
Eventually, after many trials on her sadhana, she reaches the wizard/guru, who informs her that she must first defeat the wicked witch of the west (ego), bringing back a symbol as proof, after which he will grant all the traveler's wishes (escape from samsara). In the process of defeating the witch, both herself and her fellow travelers have to face themselves directly and manifest those qualities which they believe they don't have (courage, heart, brains, etc) - while Dorothy has to face death itself. Finally, the witch is defeated by a simple bucket of water, showing her as the "mirage" that ego has always been. A simple bucket of water is sufficient to "melt" her. She seemed powerful, but a benign substance like water melted her away in seconds. Only the correct "substance" needed to be known. Interestingly enough, the dissolution of the witch happened entirely by accident. Nobody was aware that water was the substance needed. The ego cannot dissolve itself - it can only submit to the Higher Self. When the Higher Self manifested through Dorothy’s unselfish act of trying to put out the flames burning up her friend the scarecrow, she "lost her ego" in the process of selflessly thinking of her friend, thus killing the witch. This is Nirvikalpa Samadhi.
Upon return to the wizard, the travelers discover that he is a fraud (OR SO THEY THINK), and is not able to confer those qualities they desire upon them, not realizing that those qualities were already seen as present in the process of the defeat of the wicked witch. The wizard ends up simply making them aware (through symbolism) that *they had these qualities all along*, and it was only ignorance of the fact that had to be lifted. It turns out that the wizard/guru was not a fraud after all.
Dorothy, the central character in the story, has the most poignant and difficult-to-fulfill desire of all: She wants to go home. Home here represents the true Self, the eternal "home" which all of us long for. Yet the wizard fails in taking her there. The Guru can lead the chela to the brink but not "bring them home..." the chela has to discover the way for him or herself.
Upon meeting again with the "Good witch Glinda (Grace)," she discovers that she has had the power to "go home" all along, inherent in the ruby slippers which Glinda (Grace) gave her BEFORE she began her sadhana. It was the same with her. It was only ignorance preventing her from going home. With great sadness she says goodbye to her traveling companions and the rest of samsara, and takes the final step, attaining moksha. The repeated phrase "There's no place like home... there's no place like home..." is very reminiscent of a mantra repeated in meditation.
Upon return (and upon waking up - such a powerful symbol, especially in Buddhism - WAKING UP), Dorothy realizes that indeed, "there's no place like home." She has Realized the search she started at the beginning of the movie; that what she desired (escape from samsara) had been with her ALL ALONG. She wanted to run away, but was ignorant of the fact that everything was already perfect, and that indeed it is the searching that is false, that is imperfect. What she wanted at the beginning of the movie she has found, and at the end, she's once again in the same place, but with a greatly changed outlook on things - a shift in consciousness, if you will.
One of the most interesting points is that all of this was in INNER journey. The "Land of Oz" was INSIDE Dorothy, as were her traveling companions. When she wakes up, she sees the people who, inside, she thought were the scarecrow, the tinman, etc. This is a nondual statement that indicates that All is One, that all these people in Dorothy’s life are both inside and outside her, that there is no difference at all between those in Dorothy’s life and aspects of her personality. It is the people in one’s life that help to form the personality, and so it was them that manifested as her traveling companions on the inner journey.
I believe that the perennial popularity (and classic film status) of the Wizard of Oz is due to the fact that it helps explain a way to resolve that "inner longing" that all people have for True Self. Through the use of symbolism, it clearly shows the futility of the search, and the constant presence of That which is desired -- whether or not we are aware it is there. It contains an uplifting message that is also a true one, and people subconsciously respond to that (especially children, who are generally closer to Ground of Being than adults).
"Business and Pleasure don't mix - or do they?"
A businessman walks down the street and sees a heroin addict. He feels superior to this person, and thinks to himself, "What a miserable example of humanity. What a scumbag."
The businessman then goes to a store window and sees a suit he wants, and thinks "Oh, this is so beautiful. If only I could afford this. I want it so much."
There is no difference between the man and the heroin addict. No difference at all.
Except that maybe today the heroin addict will manage to satisfy his craving, while the businessman continues to suffer.
Material Musings
"Be in this world, but not of it." - A Biblical saying.
"He who dies with the most toys, wins." - An American joke.
Adi Shankara, the famous vedantic sage, spoke of dwelling in the world of material possessions as "a miserable fate," and described "The horrible trap of sense-cravings." What did he mean by these things? Why did he use such dramatic language?
At first look, it appears that money and material possessions are desirable to have, and that sense-cravings are pleasurable and mostly harmless. But let's examine the situation in further detail.
Most people in the United States (USA) today live "just beyond their means." What this means is that if a person earns $20,000/year, this person lives as if they were making $22,000-$25,000/year. Why might this be? Could it be that they are not happy with the amount of money they're making, and so stretch it to the very limit (and often beyond)?
Let's take an example of a somewhat typical lifetime lived in the dualistic world, and we'll see why indeed living in the world of materialism is a miserable fate.
An intelligent, healthy, learned man is working at a job, earning $25,000 per year. But that man is probably not happy. He looks at his neighbor, who is earning twice as much, and just bought a new boat and a nice car, and thinks to himself "I want that too."
So the man works all the harder, gets a large promotion at work, and soon is earning what his neighbor was earning. He buys a boat and a car. But then he takes a drive in his new car, to a fancy neighborhood nearby, where the average income is $100,000 per year. The man thinks "Who are these people, are they better than I am? Why do they live in luxury while I have the miserable fate of being in this lousy neighborhood I'm in, and being so "poor?"
So the man quits his job and finds a better one. After a number of years of slaving 12-16 hours per day at his new job, at last he has achieved wealth and a high position at his company. He moves into this long-dreamed-of neighborhood. He has a new Rolls-Royce automobile. He can now retire and enjoy the fruits of his labors.
But something is wrong. There is nowhere further to go. The man can now have anything he wants... but what is there to do with all this accumulated junk?
So the man begins to indulge heavily in sensual pleasures. He overindulges in alcohol, maybe indulges in cocaine and other drugs, anything to fill the emptiness inside. But the emptiness is not filled. It seems a bottomless cavern.
At last the man is 65 years old, sick, fat, weak from abusing his body for years. And still, inside, he is empty. He is unsatisfied.
Adi Shankara: (from Moha Mudgaram - The Shattering Of Illusion):
"When the body is wrinkled, when the hair turns grey,
When the gums are toothless, and the old man's staff
Shakes like a reed beneath his weight,
The cup of his desire is still full."
So, at last the old man dies, having left behind a lifetime of slaving 12 hours/day in misery without satisfaction, a corpse, and a pile of material junk that is aging and rapidly becoming dust. Perhaps he left some money in the bank for his grandchildren, so the cycle can begin again when they get old enough.
A miserable fate indeed!
Sense-cravings, like material cravings (basically one and the same thing), can never be satisfied. An ultimate example is a heroin addict. No matter how much such a person takes of the drug, it is never enough. But drugs are only an extreme example of what's wrong with today's society.
A common enough saying is "When are you going to make something of yourself?" This saying I have never understood. Am I not already made, already whole? What else is there to make?
s: "He who dies with the most toys, wins."
q: "Wins what?"
a: "Wins death, a corpse, and an old pile of junk in the attic."
A miserable fate indeed!
Let us have compassion for those in the dualistic world who are caught up in this endless cycle of misery. "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do." Indeed, they know not what they do. They waste their lives in the quest for material gain, only to find that no matter how much material is gained, it does not bring happiness. Give a person a hundred thousand pounds of gold, and he will not be happy. The average person will take that gold and overindulge in the senses until he kills himself.
A miserable fate indeed!
Describing The Absolute
Why is it that many people Perceive "God" or The Absolute, or I AM or Brahman differently? If the Absolute is really there, really exists, then how can everyone see It differently? Why does everyone who claims to Perceive it give a different description of what they perceived? Let's attempt to answer that question.
First, let's think of a simple object, say, a jar. 20 people asked to describe the jar will give 20 similar, but slightly different descriptions.
Now take a more complex object, say, a city. Those same 20 people will give far more DISSIMILAR descriptions of what they saw while being in this city, although they may have all taken the same "tour."
Now, take the Absolute, which might (just for the fun of it) be described as "All That Is, Was, And Ever Will Be." What do you think might happen, in asking 20 people to describe their Perceptions of it? How about a hundred people, or a thousand, or a million?
It seems to me that every description given should be utterly different. It's a miracle that even ONE similarity should exist, yet many people describe their Perceptions of The Absolute in a relatively similar way.
It is US that are flawed, US that differ, US that change from moment to moment, not The Absolute. The Absolute is as It has always been. It cannot be confined to such a tiny space as human thought or description. To attempt to describe It is to flounder, like a fish out of water. It's my belief that the Perceptions of The Absolute through the soul (Atman) are the same, it's in the translation of such perceptions to the realm of human thought and emotion where differences arise.
How to make "Magic Water"
Last night I had a very interesting dream. I tend to attach some significance to dreams, because creatures such as ourselves who are ourselves "dreams," yet can dream, seems to me to be a type of "attention to attention," I AM Attending to Itself. Thus, I offer to you a very unusual "practice" derived from my dream of last night, in the hope that it will be of benefit. This practice or experiment is entirely my own invention, I read about it (not a hint) from no book I know of. Thus, it is new and fresh, coming from NOW.
First, let me state that the primary purpose of this exercise is to realize that all we are and all we see are illusions, that We create our own "reality" or maya based on the hopes and dreams of our egos and thought-selves, that All is One and thus inseparable (and to perceive the Truth of it), and that the Divine LISTENS when what It "dreams" (us) "speaks unto It." It is an ego-based exercise that requires you to have a desire for something, thus it may not be useful to someone here who may be so "enlightened" as to NEVER have ANY desires of ANY kind. :-) Remember, your primary focus is to LEARN here, not to achieve that illusory desire you have.
First, you must choose a desire. It may be a desire for a material item, a desire for something to occur spiritually, an unselfish desire that another person realizes something of importance, A desire to express Love more freely, it absolutely doesn't matter what the desire is, as long as it is something you "want" very much. Drop the mental idea for now that this desire is illusion, and think of it as VERY REAL.
Realize that if this exercise is performed with tremendous FOCUS and ATTENTION the entire time, if you "put your entire heart, soul and mind into it," in other words, *Your desire will come true* as a result of this exercise. It *MUST*, according to Basic Spiritual Law.
First, let us consider the nature of water. Water is a very simple and pure molecular substance, composed of hydrogen and oxygen atoms in balance (with no carbons). It is an extremely stable substance, and an almost perfect solvent, in that almost anything soluble (except oil-based substances) will dissolve in it. Perhaps THOUGHT and DESIRE may dissolve in it as well! (How much more or less "real" are these things than sugar or tea, after all?).
For this exercise, you'll need the following items:
(1) A tremendously strong desire or wish for something.
(2) A jug or container of "purified" or "distilled" water, available at most supermarkets in the West. If unavailable, purify your own by pre-boiling it for a long time, filtering impurities, and sealing it in some sort of container.
(3) A glass jar that can be sealed very tightly.
(4) A pan (preferably non-metallic, or coated with a non-metallic substance inside).
(5) A piece of paper.
(6) A non-oil-based writing instrument, such as a pencil.
(7) A "spray bottle" which can be sealed and which can hold a liquid substance.
(9) A filter of some sort (clean lint-free cloth or a coffee filter may work)
(10) A heat source such as a stove
First, make sure all materials are as clean as possible. The spray bottle and glass jar should be sterilized, and the pan contain no residues of any kind and as close to sterile as possible itself.
Next, take the paper and writing instrument (DO NOT use a word-processor and printout here). Write down your desire in your own words, in your native language, filling both sides of the page, putting as much ENERGY into the act as possible. Afterwards, say a strong prayer of some sort that the words on the paper be "strengthened." This need not be a "prayer" to a "god", but at least read each word on the page several times, making them REAL, making them True, making them GLOW on the paper with their solidity and "Real-ness." Feel that you have "transferred" the essence of your desire onto the paper. If you wish, fill MORE clean white sheets of paper. Do this until your wanting to do so runs out, drains entirely. At the end, you should have at least one piece of paper filled entirely with your handwritten desire in word form. "Sanctify" this paper in some way by placing it somewhere that dust and dirt cannot touch it (do not wash the paper, though!). Wash your hands first if you wish.
Next, put the pan on a stove, fill it about 3/4 with distilled water, and bring it to a boil. When the water is boiling, wash your hands. Retrieve the paper(s) with your desire written on them, crumple it (them) if you wish, and drop it (them) into the water. Let the paper, and your corresponding words of desire and desire itself written on the paper, boil and dissolve in the water for at least 15 minutes. Envision your desire dissolving into the water from the energy you put onto the paper and becoming At-One with it. The water now contains the essence of your desire - it *IS* your desire. You have made it thus. YOU are Brahman, YOU are I AM, and YOU have chosen to dream "water" into "desire." It is So.
Next, turn off the stove and filter the magic water you have created into the sterilized jar, not letting any visible paper product or paper residue enter the jar (the paper was only the vehicle). Seal the jar immediately, and let it cool to room temperature.
What you have created is magic. Know it. Believe it. Require no proof of it, but know that you will see such proof, because You choose to do so.
Now, what to do with this water? Whatever you like, but there are some things that are proscribed:
(1) Drink a small quantity of it. Let it reinforce or rekindle the original desire.
(2) Let others drink of it, to experience what you have created
(3) Put some of it into the spray bottle. Go outside and spray your desire into the winds, into the sky, into the ground, onto plants, onto trees, onto your body, anywhere you like. Let it be carried away into the Universe and dissolve into the ground, there to grow like a plant itself waiting to be born to Reality. Let it be carried aloft on the winds and thus to rain back down to Earth. Let bits of it be carried out of the upper atmosphere and into outer space, there to merge with All that Is.
(4) (left up to the reader's imagination).
The result:
In a short time, your desire will come true, if you have put much energy into this exercise. Meditate on the meaning of why this happened, of why your desire came true.
"Love And Compassion"
My Intuition is that there may be two commonly known "feelings, emotions or attachments" that are not illusory and part of ego: Love and Compassion.
Love and Compassion on the level of words may be seen as two different concepts, thus dualistic. Yet, I feel that "compassion" is really an aspect of Love, and thus come to the following conclusion:
"There is only ONE "identity" that is not maya, that is not false, and that is Love. The essence of Ground of Being is Love (the result being the incredible bliss known by those who Experience or Intuit even a micro-drop of I AM). Love is All there Is. Love is Truth. There is no other Truth. All else but Love is falsehood."
"Accidents"
"Enlightenment is an accident. Practice makes us accident-prone."
... An unidentified Zen master
"John Denver"
John Denver -
We all know the name, and we've all heard his music. But who really knows the man, the soul, the spirit behind this person?
John Denver's entire life was dedicated to nature, and to the music and song that nature inspired in him. At age 27, in the summertime, he took a trip to the Rockies in Colorado, and what he experienced on this trip set the course of the remainder of his life (and inspired the song "Rocky Mountain High.") He saw the glories of nature on this trip, he saw the Perseid Meteor Shower ("I've seen it rain fire in the sky") and he became at-one with Nature. He dedicated his life to carrying his deep feeling of connectedness to nature, to all living things, to the world through his music. He was a nondualist without any dogma, without even using the word. I believe he saw in nature how All Things are One.
John Denver lived exactly 27 more years following this initial spiritual experience, before he inexplicably crashed while flying a light airplane. He was known as an experienced and skilled pilot, and it hasn't been determined why his plane crashed.
I can only venture a wild guess myself. I can only guess that while flying that plane, while seeing the world of nature he so loved beneath him, he reached Spiritual Enlightenment at last. At that moment, he KNEW. He let go of the controls of the aircraft and let the machine crash, at that moment becoming One with what some of us call "Brahman." It was time. He had achieved that which he had come here for, and it was time to go home.
Having investigated this man's life to a degree, I can see how his deep spirituality sets an example for all of us. He was truly a rarity in his musical inspiration and dedication to nature, the Earth, and the Human Race. John, this one's for you.
"Knowing Anything"
I find that the more I learn, the more I realize how little I know. Therefore, I must continue to learn, until at last I know nothing at all. Only then, perhaps, will I be able to learn anything really worth knowing.
"Dwellings"
Where do we fix our attention? Where do we dwell?
We dwell ceaselessly upon "relegating the ego to its rightful place." Thus, we dwell upon a nonexistent "something" doing a meaningless thing called "relegating" another meaningless thing to a meaningless concept called "place." What folly!
We dwell upon controlling the intellect. Thus, we dwell upon a meaningless "something" doing an unnecessary thing called "controlling" a useless entity we call "intellect." What foolishness!
It seems we dwell EVERYWHERE but where our true dwelling place is - Brahman, I AM. Dwell ceaselessly in your true nature, and let maya take care of itself.
We dwell ceaselessly in the land of maya. Thus, it is no wonder we experience nothing but maya. It is no wonder we do not Intuit our true selves!
It is like an automobile driver sitting backward in the seat, watching the smoke pour forth from the exhaust pipe, while trying to steer the car backwards.
O automobile driver, turn yourself around and dwell upon the road in front of you. Then all will become clear in an instant, and you will realize that the exhaust pours forth of itself, and you are able to drive the car!
"Attachments"
In the course of talking to people from a dualistic background about nondualism, one of their first reactions is "Why? Why give up on the richness of life to pursue some sort of connection to "pure consciousness", to some "thing" that's indefinable and makes no sense to me, that might give you some sense of bliss or joy but none of the many and varied things that are involved in everyday living?"
This is an understandable reaction, yet it's based on an essential misunderstanding regarding the nondual perspective, and what the "typical" nondualist seeks. We don't seek to "give up on this life" somehow. Rather, we seek to give up our ATTACHMENT to this life. We seek to realize that everything around us is transitory, will one day be gone. In this, one must realize the essential falsehood of the concept of "OWNERSHIP." Nobody can really "own" anything, for several reasons - but the main reason is that one day we will all die, and thus EVERYTHING we know is borrowed from the universe. We can "own" nothing. None of these toys and objects that surround us belong to us. They belong to nature, to the universe, and one day nature will reclaim them. They are simply borrowed.
Take your body, for example. It is growing older every day. One day it will die - there's no getting around it. Thus, do you "own" your body? It's very simply BORROWED. What about all these objects around you, your car, your personal "possessions," your jewelry, your money, anything that you feel "belongs to you." None of them truly belong to you. One day they will all be either gone (dust), or will "belong" to someone else. Thus, a person can "own" nothing. Nothing at all.
This is a challenging thought, and a hard one to accept at first. It involves a major shift in what someone new to nondualism has been taught all their lives. Yet, paradoxically, the more a person is willing to let go of their attachments to the various objects they value so much, the more valuable they become. It's like, in realizing your own mortality and how transitory everything is, you can only value what you have now MORE, because one day it will be gone. In fact, many people, after giving up the attachments to the various objects they once felt they "owned," will find that they VALUE these attachments ten times more than before.
Exercise - Next time you take a shower, take a look at your body in the mirror. Realize that it won't always be here, that it is BORROWED from the universe, that it isn't YOURS. It doesn't belong to you. It belongs to the Universe, and "you" get to use it only for a "short time." Let yourself feel your own mortality. Now think - how important it may be to concentrate on that which is ETERNAL, that which we WON'T all someday lose. What might that "something" be? That something is your soul, is what nondualists refer to as the Atman, or Brahman, or I AM. I AM is the ONLY thing that's permanent, that will never go away, that is "yours." Treasure It, for it's the ONLY thing that "you own." Nourish it. Don't neglect your body or the other objects around you, but focus your attention mainly on that which is TRULY "yours." In "giving up" your attachments to all these "things," you will gain something beyond price. You will gain YOURSELF - something that's permanent, that will not change, that will ALWAYS be with you. Think of the "things" around you as toys.
"Fun to look at, fun to hold. But one day they will break. They have already been "sold."
"Beyond God? - A personal interpretation of Advaita Vedanta"
There is a "God" beyond God; If God created the Universe, He made Himself impermanent by the very act of creation, for to create something is to cause change, and is not Absolute Reality incapable of temporal action or change? Doesn't "Absoluteness" strongly imply Changelessness? How can something that is Changeless create something that changes? How can a cup which never moves turn on a faucet and fill itself with water?
God is the highest ideal that the Human mind can grasp. The mind can conceive of nothing higher than God. Yet there is something from which God derives. That something is Brahman, the Absolute, the Eternal, the Unchanging, also known to us as I AM, or Ultimate Reality.
One may indeed say that there is a personal God. That personal God is known to Advaita Vedanta as Iswara, the creative principle. Iswara is Brahman united with Maya - God Personified.
Illusion mated with Ultimate Reality. That is the definition of "God" - I AM, combined with the veil of Maya covering It. Yet there are not two "Gods," for Absolute Reality only appears as God when viewed through the veil of Maya, or illusion. "God" as we see "God" is no more or less real than Maya. "Personal God is the reading of the Impersonal by the human mind" (Vivekananda). Maya is At-One with I AM, and that "object" (Maya combined with I AM) may be seen as "God."
Yet God is not Ultimate Reality. God is simply the creator of this present Universe (and perhaps other Universes). God is what inspires poetry in us. God Creates. I AM creates nothing. I AM simply IS. I AM is Pure, Eternal, Unchanging Consciousness, thus creates or changes nothing.
To be truly enlightened is to go beyond the concept of God, to know the impersonal reality beyond the personal divine appearance. To know God is good; one can become a saint through such knowledge. But one cannot attain "Mystical Realization" or Enlightenment. Only in the Realizing of Brahman (I AM) can this occur.
As long as we are "under the influence" of Maya, the One is seen as many. The human mind can never grasp the concept of Absolute Reality (any more than it can grasp the number infinity), simply worship It's projected image (God). In the process of this worship, however, the ego-self may thin and disappear, God and the appearance of the world around us both vanish, a state may evolve where there is no seer and no seen, and what is left? I AM, Brahman, the single, timeless, unchanging, permanent FACT.
"A Tiny Morsel"
"Dualists are duellists."
"My Path"
A man once walked into a field, and to the edge of an immense, beautiful forest of Evergreen trees. Looking into the forest, he noticed a number of paths, well-beaten, having been travelled by many others. The man, tired of "city life" and the day-to-day boredom of the "nine to five" life, decided to enter the forest and follow one of these paths until it ended somewhere. He chose the path that seemed to look the clearest to him, and began walking, caring not where the path ended, intending only to follow it until it ended, and to see what might happen next.
The man walked for some days, subsisting on berries and other things he found in the forest. At times, he rested beneath a particularly beautiful tree and slept. When he awoke, he continued to travel the path, further and further away from the city life he once knew. The deeper he entered the forest, the more Alive he became. The moss hanging off the trees, the smell of the forest air, everything struck him as more worthwhile than the world of cities and diesel trucks that he had come from. The further into the forest he went, the less "litter" he encountered, and the more "pure" the forest became. So he kept walking, and day by day grew accustomed to living in the forest, to subsisting off the land. At times, he noticed that the paths in the forest converged, and he found a new path that looked clearer and less cluttered, and so he changed paths. Deeper and deeper into the forest he walked, and eventually all was pure and quiet, and there was nothing but Green.
One day, he reached the edge of the forest and encountered a roaring river. The river was wide, and deep, with no way to cross it. So the man simply jumped in.
Now, the river carried him along. He was upon a path no longer. Rather than walking a path, "a path now walked him."
The feel of being carried by the river was remarkable. In places, he noticed rocks and swirling waters, in others, calm pools. Yet, he no longer had any choice. He was carried by the river. The river decided where it was he was to go.
The flow of the river became more intense. He found joy in being tossed about by the wild currents of the river. He was choiceless. He simply let the river carry him to wherever it might end, knowing that most rivers end in waterfalls somewhere along the line, and fearing not that thought.
... To Be Continued
"My Personal Journey Toward Truth"
I was first introduced to the spiritual perspective commonly known as "non-dualism" in 1987 through the writings of Shakti Gawain. Although I feel her books ("Living in the Light" and "Creative Visualization") are a watered-down version of spirituality that work best as a "light-core introduction" to basic nondualistic concepts for the traditional dualistic Westerner, I knew that I had "discovered" something that I had never before experienced. I was excited beyond words; this was "It," the "thing" I had been searching for my entire life. Unfortunately, I was not ready at this point to accept even this "watery" level of spirituality. My basic outlook at that time was entirely "Anti-Life." I was raised in an extremely dysfunctional, totally fear-based environment that encouraged obsession, fear, anxiety, and the essential closing of oneself to the Life-Force, the Universe or "I AM." I was extremely overprotected while growing up based on parental fears, and I must admit that I did nothing (or perhaps was unable to do nothing) to change this. The first 24 years of my life were in essence a living hell, a mad dash away from the direction of life, the perceived threat of living, and of relationships with others. It was only around 1987-88 that I first began to examine concepts that I had never given a thought to before, and to begin to take the first baby-steps necessary to begin living. However, even a small amount of opening to life was so threatening to my damaged, weak, fear- and anxiety-based ego that it propelled me into full-blown panic attack disorder and clinical depression. I hospitalized myself multiple times between 1988 and 1991 in mental wards, distancing myself as much as possible from the miniscule introduction to Reality that I had acquired through reading books (and of course never "practiced" in any way).
Between 1988 and 1998 (on a number of different medications including antidepressants and anti-anxiety agents, and involved in active psychotherapy), I began to gradually open up again to the possibility of living, and my ego began to mature to the point where I was able to define "boundaries" between myself and others on a more or less "normal" level. In early 1998, I experienced a crisis between medication changes, and panic disorder returned full-blown for a while. Several months later, a much-beloved cat that I had known for almost 20 years (and that had been one of the only beings to which I could turn for comfort and love) died. This crisis caused me to once again begin to re-examine my life on a deep level, and this time I was ready to begin to open to Truth and to the possibilities of living. During the latter part of 1998 I was homeless and on the streets for several months, and experienced a great deal of ego-growth and maturation during this "Dark night of the soul" period. I rapidly lost a lot of fears in a very short period of time (out of necessity), including fear of death, and my ego was strengthened to the point where I was once again ready to take a look at life itself and the essential nature of living.
This brings me to the present time, February of 1999. At this time, I am finally beginning to know, intuit and Experience Truth, without fear (although my ego is still weak to a certain extent, the medications I am on have helped greatly), and have benefitted greatly from the fact that I have always had an extremely powerful intellect (sometimes I think that Life gives us certain strengths that help to compensate for our worst weaknesses) and am now learning quickly, with a minimum of fear (although the fear is there, it is not overwhelming anymore). I am beginning to face Myself and to realize that the essential nature of the Universe is One-ness, and beginning to open up to the possibilities of unconditional love and acceptance of other human beings.
I used to view myself as a "survivor," a person who has been through many hells of various sorts without committing suicide like so many others who were raised in a similar way that I was. However, I no longer view myself in this regard. I now view myself as a person who has become dedicated to LIVING, who has taken a giant step beyond simple "survival." In "running into" nondualism again at this point, Live Itself has given me the gift that I am finally ready for. As I step out into the unknown in the Living Now, with a reasonably strong ego that is no longer afraid of being "subdued" and starting to be relegated to a place of quietude, I can only feel extreme gratitude that at last I have reached a point where I may now begin to discover my "rightful place" in the order of All Things. I have found it to be a miraculous Truth that Life gives us what we need when we are at last ready for it. As one Now continues to unfold into another, I find that I have spiritually "come home" at last, and am ready to begin to learn the nature of Reality and to fully accept Life and what the Universe has to offer (and beyond that, what *I* can offer to the Universe). Richard Bach may have said it best in "Jonathon Livingston Seagull:" - "… And then you will be ready to begin the most difficult, the most powerful, the most fun of all. You will be ready to begin to fly up and know the meaning of kindness and of love."
"My First Experiences of I AM"
From the Nondualism FAQ:
* Witness -- being aware of awareness of an object. That which is detached from and observing all phenomena. The I AM is the highest witness. Beyond I AM, the witness is essenced into the Absolute.
I can't quite remember when I first became aware that there was "a Witness" within me. It may have been at a time when I was very sick as a child (I've had several severe bouts of Strep Throat), it may have been during my teenage years when I experimented with drugs and alcohol, it may have been more recent than that. All I know was that long before I knew anything at all about nondualism, I knew that there was "something" within me that was detached from whatever was occurring to my physical body or brain, something PERMANENT that was unaffected by pain, suffering, sickness (and on the other side of things, pleasure or joy or bliss).
Sometimes I have perceived this WITNESS while in a state of drunkenness. Getting drunk can be seen as a peculiar (self indulgent) form of meditation. At times in the past when I have been very drunk, I have become aware of "some part of me" that remained as an observer, stone-cold sober, Aware that my body and mind were steeped in alcohol. Sometimes I wonder if I AM Itself hasn't saved my life several times in the past, driving drunk (which I do not do anymore, ever, for those who may be curious). Always, some "part of me," however dimly perceived, remains sober and aware, despite any level of drunkenness.
At other times of great emotional distress (panic, for instance) the same thing has applied. I have known for years that SOMETHING within myself is permanent, that SOMETHING is entirely unaffected by drugs, alcohol, sickness, emotional states, ANYTHING happening either negative or positive.
Whatever that SOMETHING was, I always knew that It wasn't an emotional state, for It was emotionless. It wasn't a mental state, for It didn't think. It seemed that it was pure Consciousness of a sort, only very dimly perceived by my thinking self, yet perceived nonetheless from time to time.
I now believe that this "Witness" I have always known about but never questioned before is I AM, that part of me connected to The Infinite, that part of me that *IS* The Infinite (although one might say that ALL parts of me are At-One with The Infinite, yet in another context one might name a single part, a "connection" or "indwelling" of Infinite Spirit).
"A Bingo Moment"
A short time ago, while meditating, I had what might be called a "Bingo Moment" (a sudden, absolutely clear realization of something). I was meditating on a word my friend and Brother Bruce Morgen used earlier today in an Email, a beautiful word, "clarity." The "Bingo Moment" I refer to was a mental connection between clarity and "Living in the Now" or "The Eternal Now Moment." I recalled that at times in the past when my Awareness was grounded in the NOW, not just "sorta there" but truly GROUNDED, there was a radical difference in Consciousness that could be referred to as "true clarity." Sadly, such times in my life have been uncommon enough to be referred to as "rare." Most of these times have been in situations such as mountain hikes, walks along the seashore, camp-outs deep within a forest, times when there was a lot there to be enjoyed AT THE MOMENT. Many (most?) of these times were during childhood.
What I realized was that at such moments, colors were far brighter, sounds were much "clearer" and more noticeable, smells were more obvious, taste was far sharper, and there was almost a visible "shimmer" in the air. All five senses were FULLY engaged. EVERYTHING was more poignant, more noticeable, more clear, more "there" (this does not preclude anything part of Awareness, including painful and pleasurable emotions, as well as physical pain or pleasure). In such moments I was truly ALIVE.
I begin to intuit what it might mean to have such an Awareness AT ALL MOMENTS rather than just at certain (rare) times, and why many nondualists put such strong emphasis on the NOW. Much of my life I have spent dwelling in the past or in the future (as have probably most people who have lived the greater part of their lives in a dualistic context), and much of this time seems dim, dingy, dreary, un-Aware, almost as though I were "undead" rather than Alive.
To even IMAGINE that I could live in the NOW, starting NOW, for the rest of my life (or perhaps even the rest of Eternity) is, for want of a better phrase, "quite a thought!!!"
"Labels"
I was thinking about the very topic of labels the other day. This device I'm typing on right now my mind has labeled a "computer." But it's also "CPU-monitor-keyboard-speakers-cards-motherboard...". It's also "a collection of various elements" (Iron, aluminum, silicon, gold, etc). It's also "a collection of atoms." It's also "a collection of elementary particles"... ad-infinitum. Amazing how looking at it that way clarifies the essentially ridiculous nature of labels. So often we just slap together a collection of things, attach a label to it, and all of a sudden somehow it's "something new," when in reality there's nothing new there at all.
More Writings/Essays by Omkara...